In the Twinkling of an Eye
I was saved as a child; but my current testimony of salvation is an experience that happened to me one evening last week (Romans 5:10). Three things were weighing upon me that particular evening. I was worried about my aging parents, worried about my high school daughter, and worried about my month old job that had come to an early close. Symbols of my past, hopes for my daughter’s future, and concerns about the present had become shifting sands for me, colliding into one another in my mind.
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow were too much for my fatigued mind. A heavy cloak of despondency began to feather out and over my emotion, although intellectually I was puzzled at why I felt myself falling into an extreme mood. Things were bothering me, but not so bad as to warrant this despondency that was overtaking my consciousness. My peace was gone. What had momentarily careened me into such an inner state? I was tired. But what if I couldn’t snap out of it? It had happened to me once before, a long time ago. Before I’d known very much about the Lord, I’d been stumbled by this propensity. I could find no answer as a college student to a collision of new thoughts, emotions, and decisions which produced great depression in me. In His mercy, through the ministry of Watchman Nee and Witness Lee, God began a gradual, years-long rescue of me away from unbelief and endless advice, to Himself, to really help me in my weakness. This particular evening 25 or so years later found me wandering in my mind again unable to direct my thoughts in exactly the very same way. The fabric of what I am was not so different from before—except this time, and this was different, a sort of indignation rose up within and gently asked me, “Do you have eternal life or not?” Automatically, effortlessly, something began covering over my gloom, dissolving the apprehension, and slowly enveloping me back to peace. This was the Shepherd of my soul (1 Pet. 2:25) working deep within taking over. In answer to my question—or was it His?—Someone Else was guiding my thoughts and comforting my emotions through a new maze of life concerns. I did not have to do anything. This is the One I want to live my life. He is unimposing, quiet, unseen many times to others; but He is there, making all the difference in the world to me.
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